The change in me did not change the world for me....
I have had this thought of changing
my outlook, my vision, my thoughts but it does not seem to be that easy. Okay,
lots of challenges drive the forces inside and hence it becomes a little harder. Now
you are looked upon as someone depressed. I believe it is a strange clash, often,
you know what you ought to do and have to do. You somehow plan it more meticulously.
And more often, you just can’t appear to beckon up the determination to do it.
Getting
up in the morning. Finding the vigour to complete those daily chores. Measuring
that will to go on. You know, all that virtuous junk. But this is an encounter
with inner self and the thoughts you drain at that point of time.
I
always think to start exercising more, and very recently I found the reason to
be regular on it. Doesn’t that sound good to start in making that one change in
life? Then I miss a day, a few days later I skip a week and then a month. That
change I had always thought of did not go so well, and now it is like I had
never started. The beginning for next trial in itself becomes demotivating. And
that is because I have never seen the results.
And
I know I have been stubborn but persistent. There were times when I was
running through a negative thought process which eventually ingrained in me for
long. Since years, I cannot even recall, I did fight within, but that one
change I remember did pull things drastically. Though, I wanted an easy route
but I knew, I am still not prepared.
Sometimes,
you know there is not some magical way to change but strive hard in searching
one. I took a step, then another. The battles within me had fallen to graves. There
was a little of anxiety left. I knew I am going to seem a little awful but it
was the world for me ahead.
